February 2009
53 posts
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Ok, I’m reading this blog about interview questions. And there is the whole part about people who make their own luck.
http://www.mediapost.com/publications/?fa=Articles.showArticle&art_aid=101164
(There is another whole part about business owners who expect their employees to “be all about them.” That makes me sick! Everybody has a fuckin’ dream. Everybody! If...
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“… I want people on my team who would walk to the end of the earth. So...”
– http://www.mediapost.com/publications/?fa=Articles.showArticle&art_aid=101164
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Losing it!
Really difficult time last night. Tortured by trying to decide if my job is good for me or bad for me. Not that it matters…well it does matter. My perception does matter.
I should be positive and just decide that it’s good for me, but it’s hard to not think that there is a connection between me being there and my life going down the tubes.
At least I did get paid today. I...
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Had It
I really am on the verge of a nervous breakdown! I am trying to do a budget. Not earning enough income is driving me insane! I’m not even kidding! Month after month after month!
To me that means that, indeed, this job is evil. It’s difficult to discern because of the stellar benefits and laid back atmosphere. But something that tears you down like this, HAS to be evil. Not to...
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Fantasies
I stumbled across that Romans 8:28 quote today. Actually, it was on my iPhone bible app. Of all the God related, Christ related things I’ve been reading, this is the one that is having the greatest effect.
I think the reason is because of two words, “God works.” That means that God is actively working for the betterment of those who love him. The fact that I can’t see...
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“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who...”
– Romans 8:28
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It's Your World, I Just Live in it
This is what I want to say to God. It’s your world, I just live in it. That’s quite different from what the church, CCC, was saying in unison the other night when I went to their prayer service.
We were asked to repeat, “Yes God, I will go.”
I found the service very inspirational. However, or maybe not “however,” today I am looking up food pantries. Most...
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Food Pantries in Manhattan →
No shame in my game
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Nauseated!
Yuck! Gosh, I really don’t know what to say.
I just met with the teeny creative department of my job about a position. Apparently, there will be a position opening up soon. I pretty much have all of the skills except Dreamweaver. I would need to bone up on Final Cut though. They do a lot of graphic work, PowerPoint presentation and some web design.
I have stuff to show - I have the short...
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Stale Pasta!
The pasta is stale and rancid!
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Back to Being Hungry
Yep, it’s that time of the month… mainly between check time. Last week I existed on one meal a day. But the meals were ok. That was at the expense of not paying American Express, which is due today. I really need the card, especially if I get this gig working on a commercial in April.
I found out about it yesterday. These types of gigs tend to make you pay for stuff up front and...
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Lucien Pellat-Finet →
Discovered this magazine, Whitewall, and they had an article about him (page 100). It really inspired me. His family discouraged him from going into fashion but he felt driven. He did a few things before starting his line.
He’s into pop art. I would it if he’d use some of my stuff!
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Feeling Weird
Feeling really weird right now. For one thing, I just want to sit and relax. I feel like I’m hardly ever home. It’s been crazy cold outside and I’ve been out in the cold going from here to there or working in Brooklyn.
At the same time, there is always this feeling of always being obligated to do something. I had planned to go to Brooklyn to work on these two pieces and...
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“God wants you to give what you have, not what you don’t have.”
– 2 Corinthians 8:12
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Tears!
Sitting at my desk, on the verge of tears! The stupid fucking interview that I thought I scored does not even exist.
For some reason, now they only have an apprenticeship available! What the fuck is an apprenticeship in 2009. Do I live in the corner near the fireplace in rags and tatters, clean the office and make soup for the paid employees? Or maybe I live in a pigpen out back, eat slop and...
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How to make paper animation →
Saw this online. Need to buy it, only $2. This would really go well with my interest in animation and my textile design skills! Really psyched about the potential!
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Creativity Online Producers Interviews →
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Okay Day
Really tired. Unravelled yarn for 4 hours last night. Went to bed after 1 then got up at 7 for work.
In Brooklyn right now trying to finish at least 2 our 3 illustrations.
I took the test today for the Census bureau for a part-time position. $14-$20 per hour, make your own schedule…up to 40 hrs per week. I think I did well on the test. It was a bit tricky.
I would be so awesome to...
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(Sigh) →
Great place for me to study for 8 weeks and come out with a jeweler’s certificate. That would be so kick-ass! I promised myself I’d go deep this time with the jewelry… It’s in San Fran, CA…not to mention it’s $7,700. I think all the rich people should shoot everyone else and take over the world.
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Trying to Work it Out
Church was very inspiring! As usual.
I had this thought that I would try to do at least one thing a day for God. Then I realized that, it’s not my actions, it’s my attitude.
For one thing - my trust in God has been shattered. I’m thinking about who in the Bible can inspire me.
Daniel is good. I love Daniel because he was fearless and had unimaginable faith in such great...
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Budget - I
Already got off budget. It’s times like this that I lose all sense of reality and then stop counting because it’s too painful to look at the numbers.
Basically, the open bar deal that we went to last night wasn’t open at all so I ended up paying $15 for my drink!
But even before that, I put $5 in “A’s” account and bought some stuff at Strawberry.
Here is...
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Irrational Behavior
I am really upset because I lost the black cashmere scarf that I wear every single day. It’s been the thing that has saved me this cold winter. I got it for less than $20 at Ann Taylor.
I already know that I have some sort of psychosis where I behave irrationally when I lose something. My great-grandmother was famous for the same thing. I am going to check back at work because we...
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Budget
Am I crazy?
Here is my bi-weekly accounting. I just got paid. I’m writing my accounting here. It’s a little embarrassing because it’s so little but that’s not my fault, is it.
$1010.
First of all - let’s talk taxes! almost $70 in NYS taxes, $18 in Medicare taxes, $74 for SS. I am not even paying Federal taxes yet. That’ll go into effect on March 1st....
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Small Group
Tonight was the first night of small group. I decided to join one because I need the support. I feel like I’ve been kind of doing it alone. Just having the most horrible thoughts. Maybe letting darkness surround me.
Going, in fact, the thought of going, made me feel calmer. The people seem cool. You can never tell with these things. It’s like Russian Roulette. The last one I...
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Scary!
Had somewhat of a scare. Went to Queens and had a good conversation with Sylvia. She ended up telling me about this site called wwwfineartamerica.com. It’s a cool site that I can put both my digital art and crafts on.
But what was scary was that, we put in my website name into google and all this stuff came out! It never dawned on me that it would link me to wherever I put it.
For...
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Idiot
Hungry and really focused on food. Every night, I dream about food.
On the positive side, I “discovered” the last soy ice cream bar in the freezer last night. I also discovered two packages of frozen veggies that “A” left when she was here. I’ll probably eat some of those for breakfast.
Have to be at work today at 8:30 for a super meeting. Yesterday, I had a...
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Hungry!
Yesterday, I had two pieces of toast with p’nut butter and honey for breakfast and popcorn for dinner. For breakfast today, I had 1/2 of cereal and 1/2 of rice milk (both are now finished). I’m starving right now. I brought in some plain spaghetti w/ butter for lunch. The problem is (1), it’s carbs so it’s just going to make me hungrier in a few; and (2), I’m going to...
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Chillin'
Just chillin’ at home. No obligations or meetings or appts. REALLY psyched about that. I should try to sleep. Was up almost all night on Friday crocheting. Then hung out last night until 4. Got up this morning to meet “The Atheist” for church.
It went well. The message, actually, was about how people need to be servants of Christ and talk to people more about Christ and...
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Miracle
I’m falling behind on my images that I want to upload here. I have two of my penny jar. One with the dough and one without. Turns out only $8 was in the jar!
Anyway, just a few moments after I wrote about not being motivated about taking the atheist to church on Sunday, I stepped outside and a miracle happened!
A minor miracle but a miracle nonetheless. So, right before I left, I...
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Response To My Mom
Thanks for your concern. For one thing, I am really sick and yet had to go to this lousy job because my manager is away on travel. The other thing is that it IS ALL ABOUT MONEY! If I had even enough to live off of then I wouldn’t have the problems that I have. It’s quite simple and not dramatic at all. Speaking to someone is a collasal waste of time that I don’t possess…...
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Letter From My Mom
I would like to suggest to you that you seek psychological counseling immediately. If you could have heard yourself screaming, yelling and crying this morning as I tried to have a conversation with you would know that something is wrong. In other words I think all of the stress, worries, and disappoint that you have experience over many years has taken a toll on you. You need to talk to somebody...
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Huge Step! →
This slide show is really eye opening! I feel like I would stick out like a sore thumb. I better thing really carefully!
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I think I could do this →
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First Step →
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Been thinking seriously about joining a religious order. It would initially be out of frustration but I think that I could eventually settle into it. I’m reading about it now online.
Right now, I just feel 100% frustrated with the last 10 years of my life. It’s really hard to talk to anyone about it because everyone is so fixated on what the entire world has been going through for...
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Mom's Response to Me
Not posting the whole letter but the most interesting thing is that she didn’t ask about my sickness at all.
Her thing is that she believes I consistently make bad decisions that lead me to a bad place.
We’re just very different types of people. She’s a cautious Virgo Earth sign. I’m a fiery Aries with the heart and nature of an artist. And yes, I do “go for...
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Bale Out →
YouTube version
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Christian Bale's Tirade →
Super funny!
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Lazarus
On my way to work. I hope I don’t collapse on the way! I tried to get more rest this morning but my head is pounding so I couldn’t even sleep.
I hope they don’t fire me when I walk in the door. I probably can’t even do my job because of the way I’m feeling. On Tuesday, right before I left, I made two careless mistakes. I know it was because I was feeling sick....
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Heated!
I am so fucking heated today!
First off, I’m still sick. I almost started crying last night, I felt so bad. I ended up taking some raw garlic because I didn’t know what else to do.
I was going to try to go to work at some point. Mainly because, if I get this job, I’ll have to start on Monday and it’s weird to be out today and yesterday and only have one more day. I...
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Reverse Odds
Really sick today. Stayed home from work. I have a cold/flu and my sinuses are acting up. I hope I don’t get a sinus infection! I wonder if it’s from using the glue and glaze that I used for the jewelry? My sinuses are so sensitive and I didn’t wear a mask 100% of the time.
I need to make some more jewelry. I finally brought some stuff over to the store yesterday. Only 3...
